Feb 17 - Why Am I So Angry Today? - Daily Drop #2

These last few weeks I’ve been experiencing these acute moments of frustration and anger. I imagine they’re familiar to others. Out of nowhere, while performing a mundane, domestic task, like putting away the dishes, or hoovering, or even getting dressed, I’ll find the smallest mishap or unexpected inconvenience (the pot won’t fit in the cupboard right, the hoover wire gets knotted round a piece of furniture, I drop my jumper, twice!) will provoke a volcanic eruption of rage. And I react. Forcing the pot into the cupboard in a rain of clanking and shoving. Yanking the hoover aggressively and slamming it down on the floor. Kicking the jumper across the room. Growling, curses, fists, gritted teeth.

It lasts only for a moment, though. As fast as it surfaces and explodes, it subsides, goes back underground.

But what the hell is it about?
Does that even matter?
What does the anger actually want?

And that’s something I love to remind myself sometimes. We don’t need to explain why we’re feeling the way we are feeling all the time. Indeed, to do so could fall under the category of rumination if we get stuck there. Spending a lifetime trying to answer the question “how did I end up here?” but never moving forward.

Sometimes it’s better instead to ask: “What is this feeling looking for? What does it want?”

And when I ask, my anger is pretty clear and unequivocal, at least for now: “I want to get active! I want to run! I want to freak out! I want to feel alive,. physically!”

And that feels really clear.

Recently I’ve slacked off on my physical exercise (I was down with the flu for two weeks, but that’s well gone now so no excuses), and I could really do with getting back to it. Especially running now that the days are getting longer.

So, it starts to look clear. This is about energy. Maybe I’m like the dog that gets a case of the zoomies in the house because he not gone for his walk yet. Sometimes he starts biting at the furniture because he’s so restless. Like the horse, also, in the starting gates, kicking to get out.

I have energy to express, and my body is finding ways to express it in whatever way is possible.

I think it’s time to go for a run.

Answers in the comments!!!

Are you angry right now? If you are, what does your anger want? How can you help your anger get some of what it wants in a health, sustainable way?