When Grief Gets Stuck: Information & Resources on Complicated Grief

What is “Complicated Grief”?

Loss is an inescapable part of life. Grief, or bereavement, is a natural process that takes place when the person is faced with the loss of something important to them. That being said, in some circumstances, grief can become 'complicated' and in these cases sometimes information, resources, or professional support may be required in order to facilitate this natural process.

 

When Grief Gets Stuck

 

There are a number of circumstances where the experience of loss can become complicated and the grieving process become stuck. Here, the person may experience prolonged grief, possibly accompanied by enduring bodily symptoms such as pains, numbness, rashes, or general ill-health. Depression can also become part of complicated grief, as the person may find that, as time passes, they avoid doing more and more things likes socialising or enjoyable activities. Occasional withdrawal from others is a natural part of the grieving process, but in depression such withdrawal becomes chronic, and this can lead to a severely reduced quality of life, leaving the person feeling isolated, alone, and without hope.

Some of the situations that can result in grief becoming stuck, include:

  • Death by suicide

  • Sudden death

  • Violent death

  • The death of an infant

  • Abortion

  • Miscarriage and stillbirth

  • The death of a young child

  • Anticipatory grief (eg. dementia, Parkinson's, or cancer)

  • AIDS-related death

  • The death of a parent

  • The death of a partner, or close friend

  • The death of a much loved pet

  • The loss of a house, or job

  • The loss of a limb, or any other condition that reduces a persons' capacity or mobility

  • The loss of ones' own identity, such as when faced with retirement, or redundancy

  • The loss of one's normal way of life, due to medical illness, or any other life-change


All of the above, depending on the circumstance, can lead to complicated grief. Certain circumstances that can negatively impact a person's ability to naturally grief for any of the situations above, include:

  • If the person's relationship to the deceased was complicated (eg. an affair)

  • If the person grieving feels emotionally unsupported (eg. when others play down the loss, or pretend it didn’t happen)

  • If the person grieving feels unable to speak about their grief to others (eg. due to shame or fear of criticism)

  • If the person grieving feels their grief is taboo or unacceptable, for whatever reason.

  • If the person grieving feels they don't (or didn't) have time, for whatever reason, to grieve (eg. because of work and/or a caring role).

In any of the above situations or circumstances, the loss process can become stuck, sometimes for years, even decades. In this situation other, perhaps even minor losses or day-to-day stresses, can re-trigger an old loss that wasn't fully grieved.

What Next?

In this situation, seeking out more information, resources, and support can help. You might want to start with the information and resources below:

Information & Resources

Other Articles on Grief and Bereavement

About Bereavement (from Cruse Bereavement Care)
Traumatic Loss (from Cruse Bereavement Care)
Understanding the Grieving Process (Grief Healing)
Complicated Grief: How it's Different: (Modern Loss)


Websites on Grief and Bereavement

Cruse Bereavement Charity offer support for those experiencing loss.
Grief Healing: A website with articles, and an online forum for support.
Grief Encounter: Helping bereaved children


Facebook Pages on Grief and Bereavement

Cruse Bereavement Care - UK charity offering bereavement support.
Child Bereavement UK - Focusing on the loss of a child and when young people are bereaved.
Dying Matters - Raising awareness about death, dying, and bereavement.


Grief and Bereavement Accounts on Twitter

Cruse Bereavement: (@crusecare) - Charity offer bereavment support.
Grief Encounter (@griefencounter) - Organisation focusing on support for bereaved young people.
Dying Matters: (@dyingmatters) - Raising awareness about death, dying, and bereavement.
Life. Death. Whatever. (@LifeDeathWhat) - On all things life and death.
The Griefcast: (@thegriefcast) - Comedians talking about death.
The Good Grief Project (@goodgriefproj) - Film On Parental Grief.
Death.io (@death_io) - Conversations on Death


You might also find the following videos useful:


Professional Support

If grief gets stuck, professional support, like counselling and psychotherapy can help, by helping the grieving process complete itself. This is done by offering the person a safe, protected space, for maybe one hour a week, in which the person and talk about and explore their feelings about the loss, in whatever way works for them. Sometimes, it is simply a case of talking things through that can shift and complete a grieving process, and a qualified, effective counsellor can help you do this in a safe way that is achievable for you.

If you have any questions on the above, please feel free to ask in the comments below, or, if you are living in Bristol and wish to book a consultation, or if you’d like to work with me online, see my contact me page for more information on how to contact me.

If you think this information my be useful to others, please feel free to share this article using any of the links below:

RecoveryJohn McGuirkgrief, mental health, National Grief Awareness WeekComment