3 Reasons Why Christmas Can Suck & 5 Things You Can Do About It.
3 Reasons Why Can Christmas Suck
Christmas can be hard to cope with for many, for a variety of reasons. Here’s three that I’ve noticed can cause the most distress at this time of year.
Expectations: Christmas is full of social expectations. That you spend time with family. That you 'be merry'. That you enjoy an intimate relationship. TV can really reinforce these expectations, as well. Unfortunately, for many, these expectations can bring up a lot of sadness, pain, even anxiety and/or depression. Many of us do not have family, or may have recently lost family members or loved ones, which can be very painful at this time of year. As well as this, for various reasons, you may not feel 'merry' at this point in your life. You might be struggling with loneliness, addiction, depression, grief, social anxiety, stress, unemployment, debt, or any number of other stressful life events or mental health issues. To feel unable to meet these expectations to 'Be Merry' can leave anyone feeling excluded, inadequate, or judged.
Loss and Grief: As mentioned, Christmas can trigger current or old losses and bereavements. At Christmas time there is the expectation that we spend time with family. TV is full of films all about this. However, we may have lost family members recently, or even a long time ago, and Christmas, with it’s family-focus, can remind us that they’re not here. That can make us feel low, sad, or even irritable and angry, and because this doesn’t fit with the social expectations of “be merry”, we can feel even worse, sometimes isolated, as we feel we are not joining in with everyone else. We need to be aware also, that grief can be triggered not only by loved ones who have died, but also, loved ones who we’ve become estranged from, or who, for whatever reason, we feel painfully separated from at this time of year.
Stress: Christmas can be stressful. As we’ve mentioned, it comes with a lot of expectations, and these can include the expectation to buy presents, to travel to family members, to go to work socials. Though these things can be enjoyable, they can also cause stress, especially at a time when we might want to rest and recover from a busy year. We might even be struggling with financial issues, making buying presents difficult. On a different note, for introverts, a “good” Christmas full of socialising with family and friends can be overwhelming, as finding time and space alone can prove hard, which is difficult for introverts who need alone-time to recover their energy.
What You Can Do About It
Be Aware of Expectations: The first step with coping with Christmas then is to recognise these expectations for what they are - expectations. Often, expectations differ radically from reality. That's not your fault. An example of this is how for some being single around Christmas time can feel difficult - if this is you, have a read of this article on 6 Ways to Enjoy Christmas and New Years Being Single.
Remember, You Are Not Alone: Though the general expectation is to be merry, and at first glance when you look around people seem fine, often many of us are carrying around difficult feelings, even losses and bereavements. Just because people look OK, doesn’t mean they are OK. This is a difficult time for many of us.
Seek Sources of Support for Grief: It’s OK if you are feeling sad at Christmas because a loved one or family member is no longer here. What can be useful is sharing your feelings with others, or just recognising that your sad feelings make sense at this time of year. I’ve made a brief article about grief, and in it have gathered some resources you might find useful.
Self-Care: A good way to tackle stress is to take active steps towards self-care. These activities can be anything which makes you feel more relaxed, sensual, pleasured, or happy. These include:
Warm baths
Giving yourself alone time, especially if introverted!
Walks in nature
Reading Books
Massage
Art & Crafts
Spa Retreat
Watch Your Favourite Movies
Journal
"Me Time"
Anything else that you enjoy or get pleasure out of...
Connect: Putting aside the expectation to be around family at Christmas, it is still a good idea to try and seek to connect with others, if possible. Even if you don't initially feel up to it, it's a good idea to attend social events. If this isn't possible, calling a friend or even organising a cup of coffee with them can be really helpful in reducing feelings of loneliness or isolation. You'd be surprised how many people feel lonely in the winter time. They may even appreciate the call. Another alternative is to use social networking to reach out to like-minded people. For example, if you’re struggling with loss, you can use the resources in this article about grief.
So, Have Yourself… A Very Self-Caring Christmas
You don’t have to be happy. You don’t have to be merry. You don’t have to be around family. You don’t have to be in a relationships. You can take space for yourself. You can offer yourself self-care. You can seek support from like-minded people.
Christmas can be far from perfect for most of us, and that’s OK.
Also, if you want, feel free to share with me what you are doing to take care of yourself this Christmas, using the following social media:
Instagram: @john_mental_health
Facebook: @johnbristoltherapy
Twitter: @mcguirk_john