Mar 1 - Fluster Clucks: When Life Strikes! - Daily Drop #8

Sometimes life just comes to get you. A series of events kick off in perfect, painful synchrony. This triggers old, familiar, negative stories about yourself, other people, and the world.

I call moments like this: fluster clucks (because the other thing I call them involves NSFW language!).

Fluster Clucks: When life comes out of nowhere, from multiple angles, pecks at you repeatedly, goading you into a flapping fluster. We might get annoyed at our loved ones for apparently no reason, cry in the bath, swerve into a lethargic do-nothing-with-our day mood - coping strategies that, though automatic, escalate the situation even further. A proper fluster cluck!

This week was my turn.

My Fluster Cluck

Basically, a friend got unhappy with me. Someone close to me said something ambiguous about an important plan we had. My neighbour was really grumpy with me when I asked them if they could do something.

So, now I’m in a fluster cluck. I’m agitated. My stories are activated.
Thoughts that, though often in my head, are in my head now, just far more believable. And because I believe them more, they’re far more painful.

“I can’t do anything right.”
”Nobody really likes me.”
“I’m not good enough.”

On good days, these thoughts might fly through my head. On good days, I’d usually shrug them off as legacies of my childhood, inaccurate and irrational now that I’m an adult. So they fly by without incident, or, if they land, the pick harmlessly at the ground. The last few days though? They stick. They trigger feelings of agitation, stress. They flap and swerve around my head, throwing dirt and feathers over my eyes. They peck at my feet and ankles. I can’t see properly. I’m hopping from foot to foot as if dancing on hot coals.

A right old fluster cluck.

Now What? Unclucking Myself

Getting out of a fluster cluck can require some strategy, some assertive action.

So, here’s mine.

I talk to people close to me about it. I express what’s triggered these feelings: a person criticised me, another person was mean, and another said some things that brought up anxiety in me, because I wasn’t sure what they meant. This helps me see where it’s all come from, and it also helps me explain to people close to me why I’m coming across different to them.
I express the feelings, to myself and others: fear, sadness, stress, anxiety, anger. Again, this helps explain to myself and those around me why I’m coming across different, and where my feelings are coming from. This means I get more space to be myself without confusing others because they don’t know why I’m acting different. This helps people to better calibrate to my state of being. They might be more sensitive, or more supportive, instead of more withdrawn or annoyed, because they’re confused or think my mood is about them.
I get clarity from any ambiguities that might be triggering for me. The person that brought up anxiety because they were ambiguous about our important plan? I check what they meant, and they explain. This alleviates my confusion. It wasn’t as bad as I thought.
I play with the stories! I sing in the shower: “Nobody really loves me!” with choruses of “I’m not good enough.” I sing in high-pitched voices, operatic voices, deep-bumbling voices. This helps defuse the thoughts by creating some distance between them and myself, and it discharges some of their energy. I start to laugh and giggle. This is all rather silly after all!! ACT therapy taught me that one, and it’s super helpful!

The thoughts go back to pecking harmlessly at the ground instead of my ankles. They fly by high over head now, instead of flapping wildly in my face. Much better!

For the next few days, I’ll need to do these things to slowly get myself back to normal, to uncluck myself fully from the thoughts.