How to Delay Instant Gratification!
What is Instant Gratification?
Instant gratification is the very natural process of attempting to satisfy our desires in the most efficient way possible. Doing so is an integral part of life, and it’s something all living being do. Most of the time in nature it works out, because usually the resource is scarce.
An example of this is a bear gorging on the honey from a beehive. In nature, a bear doesn’t often come across a beehive. When they do, it is fortunate. The beehive offers the bear an ample supply of sugary goodness, which they can go on to convert into fat for the long winter. So, the bear instantly satisfies its desire for sugar, even if it’s not that hungry, as this helps build up a store of fat, which in turn increases its chances of surviving the winter. Short-term gratification and long-term gain.
This gorging on sugar makes sense for the bear. They normally live in an environment of scarcity. But what if there was a beehive in every tree? What if the beat could gorge himself endlessly on honey?
Instant gratification isn’t all bad, but it can get out of hand in environments of plenty, where we have easy access to the gratifying substance all the time.
The Power of Instant Gratification:
Check out this video on how, since childhood, we sacrifice long-term gains for short-term, immediate gratification. I think we can all see a part of ourselves mirrors in the behaviour of these children.
Where Instant Gratification Might Be Impacting Our Lives
Instant gratification can present itself in many unhelpful ways. Here are a few examples:
Anger: We seek the immediate cathartic release of expressing our anger in an uncontained way. Examples include road-rage, shouting, or breaking things when upset.
Screen & Social Media: We seek the immediate distraction or dopamine of social media, to the point that our use starts to impact on work, relationships, mood, and/or hobbies and interests.
Food: We seek the immediate satisfaction of snacking on foods, to the point where it may be negatively impacting on your physical health or healthy appetite.
Drugs/Alcohol: We seek the immediate pleasure of using substances to the point that it impacts of physical or mental health, our relationships, or work.
There are many more!
The commonality in all of these is that the gratifying thing is abundantly and easily available, and gratifying ourselves on it without moderation can have a severe impact on our health, relationships, work and/or lifestyle.
How to Delay Instant Gratification: Urge Surfing
Urge surfing is a practice that helps us confront instant gratification. It is a skill. It takes practice. Ultimately it can help us see that we have a choice when it comes to our actions. We can instantly gratify ourselves, or, we can sit with the urge and watch it mindfully. We are free!
Here’s a step by step guide on how to do this:
Identify the specific thing you use for instant gratification.
This might include food, social media, pornography, angry outbursts, alcohol, drugs. Note it down.
Identify all the ways that over-indulging in this gets in the way of your life.
Think of your hobbies, interests, relationships, family, physical health, mental health, spirituality, and so on. Note all the ways that instantly gratifying yourself too much in this way can get in the way of other things.
Identify some healthy alternatives that are more sustainable.
For example, you might want to go for a run instead of getting angry. You might want to have a cup of tea instead of an alcoholic drink. You might want be creative instead of using social media. You might want to play with your kids instead of doom-scrolling on Twitter. Note these down.
Identify the early warning signs of the urge towards gratification.
Over a few days or weeks, really watch your process of instant gratification. Notice any thoughts, images, emotions, sensations, or actions that regularly precede the act of instant gratification. This could include anything from thinking of the thing you use, like thinking of your favourite snack, or that post you put up on Facebook. You might notice yourself start to plan in the instant gratification. You might start to feel restless, irritable, or distracted. You might notice your leg start to shake or biting your nails.
Whatever it is, note these early warning signs down. And really look! Sometimes it feels like our act of gratification comes out of nowhere, impulsively, but there is usually a string of early warning signs.
Catch the process as early as possible, then reflect!
As soon as you notice yourself begin to move towards the process of instant gratification, acknowledge this by saying “oh, I’m thinking of instantly gratifying myself by ….[fill in whatever it is you are desiring]. Doing this too much can [note down the long-term downsides of over-indulging in this way].
So, you might get statements like “oh, I’m thinking of instantly gratifying myself by checking my Facebook again. Doing this too much can take my attention away from my family and kids, and get in the way of me pursuing my hobby of learning the piano.” Or “Oh, I’m thinking of instantly gratifying myself by shouting. Doing this damages my relationships, and is not good for my stress levels.”
Then, STOP! Surf the Urge!
After this brief reflection, step back from the situation. Turn off all distractions. Sit down. Close your eyes. Really look at the urge to instantly gratify yourself. If you need to, take a toilet break so you can have the space. Watch your thoughts, feelings, and sensations. Do this for at least 5 mins, and see what you notice. Watch how your sensations, thoughts and feelings change as you watch them mindfully.
Consider the alternatives!
Now that you’ve surfed the urge for a bit, consider one of the alternatives you identified earlier, and if possible, do that instead.
This is a powerful exercise. It can bring up lots of different things for people It can help us see that we do have a choice about whether we act on our urges or not. It can help us see that often we are instantly gratifying ourselves because we are afraid of what might happen if we don’t. Often we notice our fears are much bigger than reality. Often we notice that we can surf the urge without something bad happening.
Give it a try!
What Do You think?
Feel free to comment using the comments section below.
How do you instantly gratify yourself?
What are the downsides?
What do you notice after trying Urge Surfing?
What Next?
Tackling instant gratification can be a big challenge. Finding professional support can help. If you feel like therapy might be an option for you, you can contact me to set up a regular appointment, book a session with me now using my online scheduler (no wait).
You can find out more about me or explore my website. I am available for sessions online.